Last summer I was offered a job that was going to allow me to experience life-change. I was offered a job to travel to Savannah, GA on a mission trip that would allow me to minister to teens from all across the country. This was the first job that I ever had. Excited and thrilled to spread the gospel I was going to find out that what seemed like a dream job would quickly turn into a nightmare.
I got to Savannah thinking that I knew everything there was to know about being a leader in ministry. About a month into the summer, I was brought into a meeting by the regional director and was told that my employment was going to be terminated. The news hit me hard, and with the news came feelings of doubt toward God. The doubt I was experiencing kept me up at night wondering if God still had a plan or if God even wanted anything to do with me. I thought that because i failed at the opportunity that God gave me that I had failed God completly.
During a season of doubt we experience feelings of being alone, hopeless, broken and unwanted by God. Those feelings are heavy and hurtful leaving wounds that seem unrecoverable. It is easy to let those feelings set in and take root and actually believe the lies in our head saying “I am alone” or “I am unwanted by God.”
God still has a plan for us. He still loves us even in the midst of our greatest doubt. No wave of doubt is larger than the wave and the wake of God’s grace and love.
God tells us in Isaiah 41:10 that he is with us and that he will uphold us with his righteous hand. Reading those life-breathing words from God in the midst of doubting lights new hope inside of us. In that verse God also says he will strengthen us meaning that we don’t have to rely on our own strength that is shaken by the doubt.
When those thoughts come back up of “I am not wanted by God” or “God doesn’t have a plan for me remind yourself that God is your strength and that strength is greater than any kind of doubt we may have. Going through seasons of doubt are temporary and they will move away but how we view God in the season of doubt is what defines that season. God is good, God still has a plan, a plan that doesn’t include our doubts.
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My life is categorized by emotional turmoil. When I’m not in rapturous joy, I’m feeling defeated and a failure. In the times that I feel the worst, the words from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe cause for tears.
“You’ve seen Aslan? What is he like?”
“Like everything we have ever heard…”
Whatever the deepest depths of despair I might feel, it is nothing in comparison to the joy I will share when I meet Him face-to-face. Oh the blessed day that might be.